I went to the fair yesterday... After, of course, biking 10 miles the day before.
Holy shit I am tired today. It was fun at the fair, but it wasn't great. I didn't feel quite right. Not 100% sure why - It was fun, just.. I think I was already tired.
And today I'm in a lot of pain, which is... Well, annoying, I guess. That seems selfish, but, damnit, I'm used to not being in pain! It's just annoying, mostly.
And, woah. I got annoyed, felt a mild adrenaline rush (?), muscles stretching in my legs, and then my knee cracked. All without me actually MOVING. Uuuuh, yeah.
But, yeah. That's me. Today I'm kind of frustrated, and in the mood for simple thoughts! I don't have to be complex every day, do I?
Dinner, groceries, food, sleep, programming, stretching, rest... I can't find room for everything!
I will, I will, but it's a struggle... - Patrick
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Tonight
Tonight, I biked.
One way, in the warm sun, panting and hurried towards my destination.
The other, in the cool of early night, under the clear and beautiful sky.
It was so quiet and so lovely.
I've discovered:
Biking satisfies my patience and impatience at once.
I wish to rush. Thank God it's not a walking pace!
But I wish to be slow, and love the world around me. Thank God it's not a car, tearing along down the road. I can stop and look when I want, and see well from the seat of my bike in motion too.
Oh.. The wind.. The open sky.. The quiet and the loveliness of a world I can take time to.. browse.. Like the shelves at a book store.
I love you, world. I hope, Lord, you'll let me continue to do so in the ways I know best.. And love most.
We can never go back to where we were... But sometimes, if we're very lucky, we can reach bring back and bring something wonderful from the past in to the present.
Tonight, I biked, there and back, 10 miles. It was lovely. And I can still walk, now that I'm home. (and I am home.. oh, sweet home...)
One way, in the warm sun, panting and hurried towards my destination.
The other, in the cool of early night, under the clear and beautiful sky.
It was so quiet and so lovely.
I've discovered:
Biking satisfies my patience and impatience at once.
I wish to rush. Thank God it's not a walking pace!
But I wish to be slow, and love the world around me. Thank God it's not a car, tearing along down the road. I can stop and look when I want, and see well from the seat of my bike in motion too.
Oh.. The wind.. The open sky.. The quiet and the loveliness of a world I can take time to.. browse.. Like the shelves at a book store.
I love you, world. I hope, Lord, you'll let me continue to do so in the ways I know best.. And love most.
We can never go back to where we were... But sometimes, if we're very lucky, we can reach bring back and bring something wonderful from the past in to the present.
Tonight, I biked, there and back, 10 miles. It was lovely. And I can still walk, now that I'm home. (and I am home.. oh, sweet home...)
I'll customize it later, right?
The title of this blog is a play on the title of an old one of mine, now long since lost.
It was dreaming in.. Orange, maybe? I used to see things in my dreams in a color somewhere past orange - I once saw a cup of jellow nearly that shade, but the truth is it doesn't exist in the real world, just in my head - and it was desperately important.. I titled a blog "Dreaming in Orange".
Well, the truth is I've never dreamed a lot - I know some of it's a lack of peace in my own head, but I also know a lot of it is just me.. I need to be either very, very settled or very unsettled in order to dream much. It's OK that I don't - (another truth is that I ramble and ramble, unchecked I can go on far too long) but I know now that I don't really dream with that color any more.
Watch now, though - I feel a sense of loss rising and might just dream in it soon - but there's a reason for that. It's linked to those grand, sweeping, wild hopes of a younger, frankly rather foolish time. It's my philisopher's stone and my fairy gold all in one. Which is a shame, because I believe I'll someday see heaven and it will be that color - Well, at first. I mean.. That color is what I hope heaven feels like. After I've seen it for a bit, I think I'd learn to see real colors in it again.. But at first? Heaven would be my very own, gorgeous orange.
But, now, I dream and think in the clear. I've grown up. I may fall in love, but it's more cautious and considered (at least I'd like to think), and while it may not go well, at least I know better than to think some girl will be able to fill all the places in my life that aren't right.
Now I know that falls largely to me. A happy life is a well tended one, in many small ways.. And many large as well. And so I dream in the clear, or try to. I dream in every color, and I love a life that is varied and often strange. I wish I had a love in that life - a person I could give myself to in the manner I wish - but I don't. Instead, I have loves, family, and friends. It is good, and wonderful... And a bit frustrating.
This blog is going to be me writing about it. A certain friend - who I will probably eventually send this to - inspired me to make this anonymous, and so it will be.
It was dreaming in.. Orange, maybe? I used to see things in my dreams in a color somewhere past orange - I once saw a cup of jellow nearly that shade, but the truth is it doesn't exist in the real world, just in my head - and it was desperately important.. I titled a blog "Dreaming in Orange".
Well, the truth is I've never dreamed a lot - I know some of it's a lack of peace in my own head, but I also know a lot of it is just me.. I need to be either very, very settled or very unsettled in order to dream much. It's OK that I don't - (another truth is that I ramble and ramble, unchecked I can go on far too long) but I know now that I don't really dream with that color any more.
Watch now, though - I feel a sense of loss rising and might just dream in it soon - but there's a reason for that. It's linked to those grand, sweeping, wild hopes of a younger, frankly rather foolish time. It's my philisopher's stone and my fairy gold all in one. Which is a shame, because I believe I'll someday see heaven and it will be that color - Well, at first. I mean.. That color is what I hope heaven feels like. After I've seen it for a bit, I think I'd learn to see real colors in it again.. But at first? Heaven would be my very own, gorgeous orange.
But, now, I dream and think in the clear. I've grown up. I may fall in love, but it's more cautious and considered (at least I'd like to think), and while it may not go well, at least I know better than to think some girl will be able to fill all the places in my life that aren't right.
Now I know that falls largely to me. A happy life is a well tended one, in many small ways.. And many large as well. And so I dream in the clear, or try to. I dream in every color, and I love a life that is varied and often strange. I wish I had a love in that life - a person I could give myself to in the manner I wish - but I don't. Instead, I have loves, family, and friends. It is good, and wonderful... And a bit frustrating.
This blog is going to be me writing about it. A certain friend - who I will probably eventually send this to - inspired me to make this anonymous, and so it will be.
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