Wow.. What a remarkable day.
You know, I think the worst part of the whole day was how beautiful Greta looked in blue (because I'm not interested in her, natch).. And when a beautiful girl looking beautiful is the worst part of your day... It was probably pretty good.
Mine was a lot better than that.
Esten, Olivia (! All the way from Michigan!), Sam (Yay!), and, ohmygosh, Kimberly all came to the wine party! It was really fun, and then after dinner, minus Livi, we had a kazoo jam session and Sam learned to play. I did hymns, Esten butchered patriotic songs.. I played a bit of "Name that kazoo-derived abomination!" with Kimberly.
And then I went and sang, which was wonderful but just a little embarrassing. Greta was too pretty for my own good, but.. It's ok. A very good time was had by all, and actually, I do think I did a really nice job on "The Green Fields of France", even if "Ashenlied" was significantly more so-so. That's to be expected - it's a much harder song for me, and a bit less singable in general. Oh well.
And, oh my, what a day it was. I'm going to read more Dresden Files because I can't stop myself, then I'm going to go to bed.
Oh! And Kimberly read the wine chapter from Father Capan... She reads quickly and read it all. I am hungry for the conversations that may come of it - I hope not overly so.. But, so be it.
Thank you, Lord, for my friends and family, and for this remarkable day!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Huh
Random moments:
Odd:
Realizing the girl you're talking to just because she obviously needed a little help with the material (TA whiffed on her question, so, hey) is actually REALLY hot.
Mildly negative:
Seeing the same person after class, finding out that no, they're not actually working on class work now. They've got another project. (Sure, she's cute, but I mostly just need someone to work with.)
On a related note:
Dear EVERYONE I KNOW IN THIS CLASS (that's like 6 people!), why do you ALL have class or work immediately afterwards? Seriously!
Love,
Me
Odd:
Realizing the girl you're talking to just because she obviously needed a little help with the material (TA whiffed on her question, so, hey) is actually REALLY hot.
Mildly negative:
Seeing the same person after class, finding out that no, they're not actually working on class work now. They've got another project. (Sure, she's cute, but I mostly just need someone to work with.)
On a related note:
Dear EVERYONE I KNOW IN THIS CLASS (that's like 6 people!), why do you ALL have class or work immediately afterwards? Seriously!
Love,
Me
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Urk
I'm torn between exultation and joy, and worry and a bit of sorrow.
Weird.
I feel just a little bit manic. I have many good things, and a few others that make me sad.
My boss, who I, quite frankly, love dearly, is moving on to other roles at the same company, and a guy I don't really get along with - who is a bizarre choice - is being put in his place.
This guy is also really new to the company, and has lots of his own ideas about how things should be run.
In truth, being shaken up is very, very good for us.
In the short term, though, this is scary. I think Brenton will be harder to work with than Will - anything else would be almost impossible, of course, Will is incredibly easy to work - but I'm also concerned that it will mean more work for me.
And no doubt about it, it will. There's SO much stuff Brenton doesn't know, some of which I don't either, though almost all of it I do by now.
But at the same time, he'll be a technical escalation resource, which Will wasn't. It will be exciting to work with someone so competent in that realm. Though, weird. And Brenton is kind of a dick a lot of the time.
*sigh* We'll find out! Onward, to adventure! O.o *twitch*
Weird.
I feel just a little bit manic. I have many good things, and a few others that make me sad.
My boss, who I, quite frankly, love dearly, is moving on to other roles at the same company, and a guy I don't really get along with - who is a bizarre choice - is being put in his place.
This guy is also really new to the company, and has lots of his own ideas about how things should be run.
In truth, being shaken up is very, very good for us.
In the short term, though, this is scary. I think Brenton will be harder to work with than Will - anything else would be almost impossible, of course, Will is incredibly easy to work - but I'm also concerned that it will mean more work for me.
And no doubt about it, it will. There's SO much stuff Brenton doesn't know, some of which I don't either, though almost all of it I do by now.
But at the same time, he'll be a technical escalation resource, which Will wasn't. It will be exciting to work with someone so competent in that realm. Though, weird. And Brenton is kind of a dick a lot of the time.
*sigh* We'll find out! Onward, to adventure! O.o *twitch*
Yesterday
I meant to post this yesterday. The reason I wound up NOT going to the conversation group is embarrassing: I had brought what I thought was a clean shirt to Estens, but it turned out to have (ugh) a nasty stain on it.
So I went home first...
Anyway:
---
Not everything in here has to be angsty, right?
There's a voice in my head telling me that it should be, and I've had some angst in the last week...
But, no. I don't need to put that here. Not right now.
So, here's what's on my mind:
It's nice being at Estens. I spent the night last night.
He's just finishing up a shower, and I'm sitting on the back deck, continuing to work on K&R C.
It's sunny and beautiful out, and I've got a bit of music on.
A bit later, I will... most likely... tear myself away - though I may not, it's REALLY nice here - and go to the French conversation group down town.
And later, I know I will - barring the unexpected - be visiting Kimberly to borrow a book. I have one of the Dresden Files books in mind - since she said I should try them again - but I'm open to persuasion or inspiration.
And I've got music on! Pandora. There's some good stuff here.
It sounds like a nice day. I think whether or not I actually get to the conversation group will depend on Esten...
If he has a nice idea and wants to hang out (and if he has lunch! :O), I'll probably stay. /guilty look around
If not, I'll go. Either will most likely be great. I'm bad at that sort of decision!
So I went home first...
Anyway:
---
Not everything in here has to be angsty, right?
There's a voice in my head telling me that it should be, and I've had some angst in the last week...
But, no. I don't need to put that here. Not right now.
So, here's what's on my mind:
It's nice being at Estens. I spent the night last night.
He's just finishing up a shower, and I'm sitting on the back deck, continuing to work on K&R C.
It's sunny and beautiful out, and I've got a bit of music on.
A bit later, I will... most likely... tear myself away - though I may not, it's REALLY nice here - and go to the French conversation group down town.
And later, I know I will - barring the unexpected - be visiting Kimberly to borrow a book. I have one of the Dresden Files books in mind - since she said I should try them again - but I'm open to persuasion or inspiration.
And I've got music on! Pandora. There's some good stuff here.
It sounds like a nice day. I think whether or not I actually get to the conversation group will depend on Esten...
If he has a nice idea and wants to hang out (and if he has lunch! :O), I'll probably stay. /guilty look around
If not, I'll go. Either will most likely be great. I'm bad at that sort of decision!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Tired
Today, I am VEEY tired. I suppose that means I should sleep.
I hope I can find the peace that requires.
Lord, grant me peace.
Help me to find solace from the cares and worries, real and imagined, which buffet my life.
Helping me to find healing, most obviously of the body, but also of the soul.
Lord, be merciful upon me and grant me peace.
I hope I can find the peace that requires.
Lord, grant me peace.
Help me to find solace from the cares and worries, real and imagined, which buffet my life.
Helping me to find healing, most obviously of the body, but also of the soul.
Lord, be merciful upon me and grant me peace.
Monday, August 29, 2011
God, I'm tired.
I went to the fair yesterday... After, of course, biking 10 miles the day before.
Holy shit I am tired today. It was fun at the fair, but it wasn't great. I didn't feel quite right. Not 100% sure why - It was fun, just.. I think I was already tired.
And today I'm in a lot of pain, which is... Well, annoying, I guess. That seems selfish, but, damnit, I'm used to not being in pain! It's just annoying, mostly.
And, woah. I got annoyed, felt a mild adrenaline rush (?), muscles stretching in my legs, and then my knee cracked. All without me actually MOVING. Uuuuh, yeah.
But, yeah. That's me. Today I'm kind of frustrated, and in the mood for simple thoughts! I don't have to be complex every day, do I?
Dinner, groceries, food, sleep, programming, stretching, rest... I can't find room for everything!
I will, I will, but it's a struggle... - Patrick
Holy shit I am tired today. It was fun at the fair, but it wasn't great. I didn't feel quite right. Not 100% sure why - It was fun, just.. I think I was already tired.
And today I'm in a lot of pain, which is... Well, annoying, I guess. That seems selfish, but, damnit, I'm used to not being in pain! It's just annoying, mostly.
And, woah. I got annoyed, felt a mild adrenaline rush (?), muscles stretching in my legs, and then my knee cracked. All without me actually MOVING. Uuuuh, yeah.
But, yeah. That's me. Today I'm kind of frustrated, and in the mood for simple thoughts! I don't have to be complex every day, do I?
Dinner, groceries, food, sleep, programming, stretching, rest... I can't find room for everything!
I will, I will, but it's a struggle... - Patrick
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Tonight
Tonight, I biked.
One way, in the warm sun, panting and hurried towards my destination.
The other, in the cool of early night, under the clear and beautiful sky.
It was so quiet and so lovely.
I've discovered:
Biking satisfies my patience and impatience at once.
I wish to rush. Thank God it's not a walking pace!
But I wish to be slow, and love the world around me. Thank God it's not a car, tearing along down the road. I can stop and look when I want, and see well from the seat of my bike in motion too.
Oh.. The wind.. The open sky.. The quiet and the loveliness of a world I can take time to.. browse.. Like the shelves at a book store.
I love you, world. I hope, Lord, you'll let me continue to do so in the ways I know best.. And love most.
We can never go back to where we were... But sometimes, if we're very lucky, we can reach bring back and bring something wonderful from the past in to the present.
Tonight, I biked, there and back, 10 miles. It was lovely. And I can still walk, now that I'm home. (and I am home.. oh, sweet home...)
One way, in the warm sun, panting and hurried towards my destination.
The other, in the cool of early night, under the clear and beautiful sky.
It was so quiet and so lovely.
I've discovered:
Biking satisfies my patience and impatience at once.
I wish to rush. Thank God it's not a walking pace!
But I wish to be slow, and love the world around me. Thank God it's not a car, tearing along down the road. I can stop and look when I want, and see well from the seat of my bike in motion too.
Oh.. The wind.. The open sky.. The quiet and the loveliness of a world I can take time to.. browse.. Like the shelves at a book store.
I love you, world. I hope, Lord, you'll let me continue to do so in the ways I know best.. And love most.
We can never go back to where we were... But sometimes, if we're very lucky, we can reach bring back and bring something wonderful from the past in to the present.
Tonight, I biked, there and back, 10 miles. It was lovely. And I can still walk, now that I'm home. (and I am home.. oh, sweet home...)
I'll customize it later, right?
The title of this blog is a play on the title of an old one of mine, now long since lost.
It was dreaming in.. Orange, maybe? I used to see things in my dreams in a color somewhere past orange - I once saw a cup of jellow nearly that shade, but the truth is it doesn't exist in the real world, just in my head - and it was desperately important.. I titled a blog "Dreaming in Orange".
Well, the truth is I've never dreamed a lot - I know some of it's a lack of peace in my own head, but I also know a lot of it is just me.. I need to be either very, very settled or very unsettled in order to dream much. It's OK that I don't - (another truth is that I ramble and ramble, unchecked I can go on far too long) but I know now that I don't really dream with that color any more.
Watch now, though - I feel a sense of loss rising and might just dream in it soon - but there's a reason for that. It's linked to those grand, sweeping, wild hopes of a younger, frankly rather foolish time. It's my philisopher's stone and my fairy gold all in one. Which is a shame, because I believe I'll someday see heaven and it will be that color - Well, at first. I mean.. That color is what I hope heaven feels like. After I've seen it for a bit, I think I'd learn to see real colors in it again.. But at first? Heaven would be my very own, gorgeous orange.
But, now, I dream and think in the clear. I've grown up. I may fall in love, but it's more cautious and considered (at least I'd like to think), and while it may not go well, at least I know better than to think some girl will be able to fill all the places in my life that aren't right.
Now I know that falls largely to me. A happy life is a well tended one, in many small ways.. And many large as well. And so I dream in the clear, or try to. I dream in every color, and I love a life that is varied and often strange. I wish I had a love in that life - a person I could give myself to in the manner I wish - but I don't. Instead, I have loves, family, and friends. It is good, and wonderful... And a bit frustrating.
This blog is going to be me writing about it. A certain friend - who I will probably eventually send this to - inspired me to make this anonymous, and so it will be.
It was dreaming in.. Orange, maybe? I used to see things in my dreams in a color somewhere past orange - I once saw a cup of jellow nearly that shade, but the truth is it doesn't exist in the real world, just in my head - and it was desperately important.. I titled a blog "Dreaming in Orange".
Well, the truth is I've never dreamed a lot - I know some of it's a lack of peace in my own head, but I also know a lot of it is just me.. I need to be either very, very settled or very unsettled in order to dream much. It's OK that I don't - (another truth is that I ramble and ramble, unchecked I can go on far too long) but I know now that I don't really dream with that color any more.
Watch now, though - I feel a sense of loss rising and might just dream in it soon - but there's a reason for that. It's linked to those grand, sweeping, wild hopes of a younger, frankly rather foolish time. It's my philisopher's stone and my fairy gold all in one. Which is a shame, because I believe I'll someday see heaven and it will be that color - Well, at first. I mean.. That color is what I hope heaven feels like. After I've seen it for a bit, I think I'd learn to see real colors in it again.. But at first? Heaven would be my very own, gorgeous orange.
But, now, I dream and think in the clear. I've grown up. I may fall in love, but it's more cautious and considered (at least I'd like to think), and while it may not go well, at least I know better than to think some girl will be able to fill all the places in my life that aren't right.
Now I know that falls largely to me. A happy life is a well tended one, in many small ways.. And many large as well. And so I dream in the clear, or try to. I dream in every color, and I love a life that is varied and often strange. I wish I had a love in that life - a person I could give myself to in the manner I wish - but I don't. Instead, I have loves, family, and friends. It is good, and wonderful... And a bit frustrating.
This blog is going to be me writing about it. A certain friend - who I will probably eventually send this to - inspired me to make this anonymous, and so it will be.
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